My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
