just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
