and then he started using my ass as a stressball
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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