So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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