John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
