Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Soap is not a condiment
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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