5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
