I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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