Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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