Someone shit on the floor
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
