So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
