i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
