Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
