Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
