Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
