Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
