And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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