just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
