So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
