Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
