My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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