Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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