the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
