hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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