i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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