toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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