I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
