My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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