you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
