laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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