I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
