There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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