oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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