I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
