If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
