Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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