Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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