did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
