Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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