is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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