I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
