i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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