You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
