How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
