Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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