Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize