I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
