Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
