please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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