I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
