Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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