Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
