Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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