1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
