Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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