i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
