hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
