Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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