he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
