Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize