how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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